for the longest time i’ve felt that the term “inner child” was so horribly dead and exhausted and thus so utterly cringeworthy whenever used or referred to but this past week i have felt beyond any doubt what clearly seems to be a composite being of myself from the ages of 4-6 crying out from within me only it is not so much outwardly projecting any sort of despair but rather silently vibrating this energy in the muted manner in which i feel i’ve always acted, just sort-of hoping for someone to notice perhaps and really deeply heal and console him and i feel so horribly sad for him and unable to help as i too feel myself assume his shape
For the past ~3 years I have lived in Baltimore, MD.
I currently feel pretty hesitant to say what it is that I do. I imagined that I could potentially just list a number of things that i feel I often do, but understand that such an answer would seem mawkish by many and that is not my actual reaction to such a question. Honestly I think these anxieties come from a sense that whenever someone asks “what do you do” that they are meaning what kind of work do I do for money, which is currently something that i feel defines - if even at all - a very small fraction of my being and thus I would rather almost never talk about. And then there are the things which I invest so much of my energy, love, worries etc: things which I also feel very reluctant to project here out of an irrational fear that somehow in doing so that I may be setting them up for their sudden end.
I am usually too nervous to develop deep relationships with people but I love long hugs and going for aimless walks and my eyes swell with tears whenever I stand against the wind.
about a year ago and approximately 5 blocks further south on charles st, i found a pokemon card for arbok facedown just like this. seems that i am entering the year of porygon2. stand out trait is it’s ability to convert energy.